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Words by Bark

Writing by TwilightPoetess

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Submitted on
March 18, 2013
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538 bytes


24 (who?)


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ssensory Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2013  Student Writer
Again, I'm almost at a loss to find fault in this poem. My only suggestion is to change 'a participant lacking' to 'a lacking participant' because I was kind of waiting for what the participant was lacking, but then I realize that the person, itself, was just lacking. It seems to make a bit more sense to me to word it the way I suggested, however, if the way it is written now is the best according you to, then that's fine, too! It is your poem after all and not mine. 

I think it's really interesting how you wrote, "The week slips hard," because of the (contradicting?) kinds of imagery in that line and the next one, as well. The whole stanza makes me think of, "well, this week was horrible but it isn't anyone's fault - i chose not to make it better, i guess." That kind of tone sticks throughout the rest of the poem, and I really admire that! It has a lovely touch and really works with the title (it makes me think of a weekend ending on a somber note). 

The last stanza is the most interesting to me - it paints the most vivid picture and is the strongest stanza in the poem, in my opinion. I enjoy the build-up of strength in this poem because it's oddly hypnotic. What a lovely read. 
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks very much for the suggestion. You read into the phrase correctly, but we felt it worked best with that wording. Who knows. It just seemed to also work better sound-wise and tankas are generally very lyrical from my understanding. It was definitely a collaborative effort, so I think that's where the strength of the poem is - the two styles meshing, and it may also be where the contradictory tone is based. I'm very glad you enjoyed it, though. :)
TheLunaLily Featured By Owner May 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Very nice! :clap:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner May 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank ya, Ms. Shanna! (:
TheLunaLily Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome, Ms. Rachel! :)
Medoriko Featured By Owner May 10, 2013  Student Writer
This piece has been featured here: [link]
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner May 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh goodness, thank you! (:
exquisiteoath Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2013  Student General Artist
*Who I like to Tanka with /Raises Eyebrow

Well, I've often wondered about you two, now I know... you're poets.
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:giggle: Don't tell anyone. :shh:

Thanks, man!
exquisiteoath Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2013  Student General Artist
Don't worry, your secret is safe with me.
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